


Voices

by RedSneakers



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, pre-Joniss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 03:07:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSneakers/pseuds/RedSneakers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Katniss was never good at communication. Johanna was never good at forgiving.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices

**Author's Note:**

> Obligatory disclaimer: They are not mine, gosh.
> 
> A/N: In case you're wondering, it's been almost a year or so since I last wrote anything. I'm sorry if the words are boring and the story doesn't flow well - I'm still trying to get my bearings back. 
> 
> Anyhow, I hope you enjoy the story.

Communication had never been Katniss’ strongest trait – it was as if she had no brain-to-mouth coordination, which often ended up making her say what she didn’t mean and not say what she actually wanted to say.

So it was no surprise when she did that again about a week ago, putting her foot in her mouth with her poor choice of words. This time, she picked the wrong person. They had just finished their training session with Soldier York – or Soldier Fuck, if you asked Johanna – and Katniss was having a headache due to exhaustion. Johanna wouldn’t stop talking about god-knows-what and before Katniss could even filter herself, she had already told Johanna to shut up because her voice was hurting Katniss’ head.

There was uncomfortable silence as Johanna threw a murderous glare at Katniss, who was surprised at her own words. Of course, as expected of the hot-tempered woman, Johanna had to go for the dramatics. She picked a spare change of clothes from her drawer and stormed out of their assigned room, not letting Katniss say anything. Johanna didn’t return that night. And the nights after that.

Katniss was well aware that she had to apologise; she also knew that forgiveness wouldn’t come easy with Johanna Mason. What Katniss didn’t anticipate was Johanna’s determination to show how offended the woman was. Johanna literally stopped talking whenever she as much as spotted Katniss around; it didn’t matter if she was in the middle of a small talk or if they were in a strategy meeting with President Coin and other important people – Johanna simply stopped talking mid-sentence and would not talk again until Katniss was out of sight.

Katniss did feel guilty at first. Until Haymitch decided to come to her quarter on the fourth day and practically yelled at her to “stop being fucking childish” because they were “in the middle of a fucking revolutionary war” – her guilt turned into humiliation and anger then. Who the hell Haymitch thought he was, yelling at her like she was a petulant child? Why didn’t he tell  _Johanna_  to drop the silly act and grow a pair? Oh yes, Katniss would bet her arm that her former mentor didn’t confront the other woman; Haymitch always took Johanna’s side, for some odd reasons, and that annoyed Katniss more.

Her anger didn’t last long, though. It took her only another day brooding alone in her quarter before she realised that she was missing the presence of someone else in the room. She found that the room was far too quiet now, far too empty, and somehow the constant buzzing from the lamp – something she didn’t notice was there until after Johanna left – got to her nerves.

She missed Johanna’s voice in the room. No, scratch that, she missed Johanna. Period.

Her determination to apologise only strengthened afterward. She actually begged people to tell her Johanna’s schedule. Finnick didn’t tell her – she didn’t know what Johanna had told him, but he straightforwardly refused to tell Katniss anything. Prim claimed that she didn’t know and Katniss didn’t know if her sister was lying or not. Haymitch dismissed her rudely, telling her to get a life. It was Gale who finally told her – or, to be exact, Katniss overheard Gale telling Beetee to meet him and Johanna in one of the tactics room after lunch.

It was embarrassing – not to mention a little creepy – that Katniss had to resort to eavesdropping, but how else could she apologise if nobody was willing to aid her? Besides, it was Johanna’s fault to hold on to grudges like it was a holy scripture.

She waited for what seemed like hours in the adjoining room and was so disappointed when she heard Gale say that Johanna couldn’t make it to the meeting. Resigning to the fact that she might not see Johanna today, Katniss decided to follow her schedule and spent her whole afternoon with Plutarch, talking about propos.

She almost fell asleep when she heard a commotion on the hall leading to her room. Before she could think clearly, someone had started banging mercilessly on her door. She jumped out of bed, switched the lights on, and opened the doors to see who it was. Her jaw dropped at the sight before her.

Soldier York was at the door with the most unpleasant expression on her face. But that wasn’t what took her aback – behind the middle-aged woman were two soldiers holding a trashing Johanna Mason, who immediately stopped spewing profanities when she saw Katniss, by the arms.

“Let her go!” Katniss growled, not hiding her anger.

The two soldiers glanced at Soldier York before taking their hands off the young woman. Johanna kicked one of them on the shin and stomped into the room, furious.

“What was that about?” Katniss asked, putting herself at the door between Johanna and the soldiers. From the corner of her eyes she saw that Johanna had climbed onto her bunk and sat with her knees drawn to her chest.

“I am the one who’s supposed to ask the question, Soldier Everdeen,” spat Soldier York. She glared at Johanna from the top of Katniss’ head. “When you are assigned a quarter, Soldier Mason, you stay in it instead of wandering around at night, sleeping in empty closets like a lost puppy!”

Katniss looked at Johanna with wide eyes, but the other woman looked through her.

“And you,” Soldier York was addressing Katniss now. “Failing to report that your roommate isn’t staying in her assigned room is not tolerated here. You want to be a soldier, Everdeen? Discipline and sticking to the rule is important!” She turned around to leave but not before saying, “Detention – both of you – effective tomorrow at zero five hundred.”

The tension between them was suffocating, Katniss thought as she closed the door and sat on her own bed, facing Johanna. The other woman still wouldn’t look at her.

“You’ve been sleeping in a closet?” Katniss asked in a small voice, wishing that it was easier to apologise. She was met with silence and a glare – at least now she was looking at Katniss. “Johanna, please talk to me.”

An eyeroll.

Katniss drew a deep breath. “It’s… Johanna, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry, okay? Forgive me.”

Still no reply.

“Look, I know it was wrong of me – I should never have told you to shut up. Please? I’m so sorry Johanna. Really, I was…”

Katniss stopped mid sentence as Johanna flipped a middle finger, mouthing “fuck you” noiselessly at her. The archer sighed in dejection when the older woman turned around and lay down facing the wall, shutting Katniss out.

“Are you ever going to forgive me?”  _You’re acting like a child_ , was at the tip of her tongue but thankfully she managed to hold it in – provoking Johanna would get her nowhere. She waited for a minute, hoping that some miracles would happen and Johanna would turn around to speak with her. When that didn’t happen, she gave up – for the night. Switching the lights back off, Katniss got under her scratchy blanket, lying on her side that she was facing Johanna.

“Good night, Johanna,” she mumbled.

Katniss fell into an uneasy sleep; her only consolation was that at least she didn’t have to wonder where Johanna was spending her nights anymore.

* * *

 

Their one-day detention soon turned into two, then three - no thanks to Johanna. The stubborn girl decided to play mute during their detention time and Soldier York, who was too daft to see that Johanna wasn’t doing it as an act of defiance towards her, took it as a personal invitation to give them more detentions.

Katniss was frustrated with this turn of event. Instead of training for the war, she had to put up with the useless thing they called detention. But truly, there was nothing she could do, was there?  She had done literally everything to make amends – she had apologised so often that she wouldn’t be surprised if her mouth permanently shaped like the word ‘sorry’. Once or twice she was tempted to snap at Johanna, but somehow she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t even bring herself to plead to the smaller woman to drop the act and just choose another method of being angry at her. The silence treatment was starting to drive her crazy. And detention with Soldier York wasn’t exactly a walk in the park, either.

It was pouring when they reported for detention in the morning on the third day. Katniss was aching all over from all the stupid chores the superior made them do and the last thing she needed was a day under the rain. The brunette swore that she could hug Soldier York right then and there when she assigned Katniss to scrub clean the floor of all three training rooms before dinner time. It was an unpleasant chore, not to mention back-breaking, but at least it was inside the facility. Her joy was short-lived, though, as Soldier York, who had been calling Johanna ‘Avox’ for her silence, told the other girl to grab her axe and gather some firewood. In the rain.

Katniss glanced at Johanna to see how livid the brunette was - her face turned ashen and she clenched her jaw so tightly it had to be painful. Katniss felt herself become angry for Johanna. She didn’t understand (and she believed York didn’t, either) it, but she knew that Soldier York was aware of Johanna’s aversion to rain. Katniss was sure the soldier was only doing it out of spite - there was no way one could collect firewood in the rain! It was plain bullshit.

Johanna stormed away like an injured bear before Katniss could even say a word in her defence. She stood in place, glaring at York defiantly.

“Move it, Everdeen!” the veteran soldier barked at her with the voice Katniss had learned to hate, “We haven’t got all day!”

* * *

 

Katniss  _did_  have all day. She scrubbed and scrubbed until her hands were raw red and shaking. She only stopped for twenty minutes at midday, when Prim brought her lunch. Her little sister said that Finnick went out to bring Johanna her lunch and Katniss was only a little consoled by this. At least she knew that Johanna didn’t do anything stupid like bailing on her detention, or worse, attacking York.

Oh yes, that was something Johanna Mason could – and would – do, Katniss thought with a sour smile on her face. Thinking about Johanna led Katniss to muse about other things as well. Funny, she thought, that people kept calling her the girl on fire while actually that title should have belonged to Johanna. Katniss didn’t deny that she was a hot-headed person herself, but it was nothing compared to Johanna – now,  _she_  was true fire. Johanna Mason was like wild fire; there was no telling when she would start burning, and there was no telling that she wouldn’t burn anything that dare stand on her path.

Thinking about Johanna kept Katniss’ mind occupied for the whole day. She didn’t even realise that her detention for the day was over until she saw Soldier York coming for final inspection. Katniss was dismissed without further instruction and so she assumed that she was no longer grounded. She smirked at her own thought. She bet District 13’s children didn’t know what ‘grounded’ meant, being raised soldiers and whatnot. Detention was such a big word for little children and Katniss felt pity for them.

After a quick dinner - alone at the long table because she reeked of disinfectant Annie almost threw up on her -  Katniss returned to her compartment to find it empty. Katniss frowned. It was dark outside and there was no way they would let anyone stay outside that long after dark, was there? Her heartbeat sped up. What if something happened to Johanna? What if she was attacked? Was she alone out there?

She had all the worst-case scenarios playing in her head when the door to the compartment opened abruptly, showing a very wet – but very alive – Johanna at the doorway. Katniss’ turned around so quickly she nearly tripped on her own foot.

“You’re okay!” she exclaimed, her voice laced with relief.

Johanna opened her mouth briefly as if wanting to say something, but caught herself before any sound came out. The District 7 victor clamped her jaw, stepped inside, slammed the door behind her, and without further ado started stripping off her wet clothes in front of Katniss.

It took a second longer for Katniss to remind herself not to stare.  _Well, it’s not like nothing I haven’t seen before_ , a part of her mind argued but she mentally kicked herself for thinking it. Blushing, Katniss grabbed some clean clothes and a towel from her drawer and ran to the bathroom. She could have sworn she saw Johanna smirking when she closed the door to the bathroom.

* * *

 

Katniss slept like a log that night – at least she had been, until she was woken up by the sound of something hitting the wall repeatedly. She sat up straight, slightly disoriented on her whereabouts at first until her eyes got used to the dimness of the room. Katniss immediately turned her head towards the source of the noise.

Her jaw nearly dropped when she saw where the noise came from. Johanna was hitting the wall in full force - a night terror. Katniss got out of bed quickly but she hesitated before she could grab Johanna, unsure if it was the right thing to do.

She wasn’t stupid; she knew that she had to wake Johanna up before the woman hurt herself, but her experience with Haymitch had also taught her how dangerous a victor could be when they were unconscious - especially when the victor was as dangerous as Johanna. Katniss could even end up getting hurt herself. She saw nothing that Johanna could use to hurt her with, although it didn’t really mean anything. Johanna didn’t need an object to kill Katniss if she wanted to.

“Johanna,” she called out without getting any closer. “Johanna, wake up!” Johanna didn’t wake up; she was trashing around now and her movement was getting more and more violent. Katniss decided that there was no chance Johanna would wake up without physical intervention and so she took a deep breath, bracing herself for any sudden attacks before reaching out to touch Johanna.

Johanna’s eyes sprang open the moment Katniss’ fingers touched her shoulder, adrenaline and instinct kicked in and before she knew it, her fist had swung at Katniss. Fast. Katniss closed her eyes waiting for the inevitable as she knew that she wouldn’t have time to duck, but the impact she was expecting never came.

The younger woman opened her eyes slowly, drawing a lungful of breath as she saw that Johanna’s left fist was less than an inch away from her face. She looked down and saw that Johanna was staring at her, wide-eyed.

“Hey,” she said. When she thought about it later, ‘hey’ was such a stupid choice of words to say to someone who almost bludgeoned her face, but it wasn’t her concern now. Katniss swallowed. “You’re okay – it was just a dream.”

Neither said anything for some time – the only sound in the room was Johanna’s ragged breathing, but even that became quieter after a while. Their eyes locked in the dimness of the room and it was Johanna who looked away first. Katniss blushed when she followed Johanna’s gaze – her left hand was still holding Johanna’s wrist. That was when she realised that her right hand was still on the woman’s shoulder, rubbing soothing circles on it.

Katniss cleared her throat. “Go back to sleep, Johanna. It was just a dream,” she said as she pulled away. Her movement was stopped, though, by a strong hand circling her wrist. She looked at Johanna questioningly.

“Stay.” Johanna’s voice was raspy but it sounded like music in Katniss’ ears. It was the first word the other woman had said to her in days. Katniss’ eyes welled up involuntarily and she felt her throat closed up.

“Okay,” she whispered back. She eased herself on the floor next to Johanna’s bed, trying to find a comfortable position. Apparently, that wasn’t what Johanna had in mind. Katniss didn’t know how Johanna did it – because she didn’t say another word to Katniss – but the younger girl ended up lying down next to Johanna, in Johanna’s bed.

It felt like hours and Katniss couldn’t fall asleep for fear of crushing Johanna – the bunk was way too small for two adults to be comfortable. She threw a fleeting look without really turning her head to see if Johanna was back asleep and was pleased to find that her eyes were closed. Katniss gasped loudly when Johanna suddenly spoke. She turned her head and saw a pair of dark eyes staring back at her.

“I thought you were asleep,” breathed Katniss, clutching her chest.

“Can’t – they’re too loud,” Johanna replied vaguely.

“Huh?” Katniss didn’t hear anything.

The older woman sighed. She raised an arm and pointed at her head. “Them – the voices in my head. They won’t stop talking.”

“What are they saying?”

“Nothing in particular,” Johanna shrugged, “Sometimes they scream and cry, but mostly they’re just calling my name.”

Katniss felt a chill on her spine. “Like when the jabberjays screamed my name?”

“Yeah, something like that.” She added wistfully, “Difference is, the only one I can shoot to make them stop talking is my own head.”

The younger brunette shifted to her side, facing Johanna completely. “Don’t say that,” she whispered. Johanna chuckled mirthlessly as an answer. “You never told me about this,” Katniss said after a while.

“I didn’t,” she affirmed. “I don’t like talking about myself.”

“What changed now?”

Johanna pursed her lips. “They’re getting out of control,” she admitted in a breath. Johanna sounded so tired when said it, “I drown them, you know? With the sound of my own voice? When the voices are getting too loud I have to find a way to quiet them.” She didn’t mention that morphling also helped – it was implied by how addicted she had been with the disgusting substance.

Then it hit Katniss. Johanna wasn’t full of herself when she wouldn’t stop talking; it was not that she wouldn’t stop talking – it was that she  _couldn’t_ , not if she wanted to keep her sanity. And what did Katniss do to her? She was trying to quiet Johanna’s only way of coping. “I’m sorry,” she whispered again, a hot tear rolled on her cheek.

“No big, they’re pretty quiet now.”

“You could’ve continued talking,” Katniss said, “It’s not like you listen to what I’ve got to say anyway.”

“I could have.”

“But you didn’t.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Johanna looked at Katniss briefly and smiled – a sad smile, if Katniss didn’t read it incorrectly – before turning around and facing away from Katniss. “Because.”

“Because what?”

“Just because,” Johanna replied cryptically. “Go to sleep, brainless. Don’t hurt yourself thinking too hard.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Johanna…”

“Good night, Katniss.”

Whatever argument Katniss had on her lips died instantly. “What did you just say?”

“I said ‘good night’, idiot. That English enough for you?”

“No – not that. The other thing,” Katniss pressed. “You said my name.”

A pause. “Yeah, yeah – big news, huh? Now let me sleep in peace – I have detention in the morning.”

Katniss sat up. “What?”

“I have detention in the morning. Honestly, remind me never to engage you in any future midnight conversation if you’re going to make me repeat every fucking thing I say,” Johanna grumbled.

“How come you still have detention and I don’t?”

“Maybe because you didn’t carve a big whooping ‘fuck you’ on a log and threw it at Soldier Fuck when she came to inspect. Served her right, sending me out in the rain like that,” Johanna explained matter-of-factly. “Firewood my ass.”

Katniss shook her head in disbelief but said nothing in return. She waited for Johanna to continue but it seemed that the other girl had enough talking for the night. Katniss eased herself back down on the mattress next to Johanna, careful not to disturb her companion in case Johanna had fallen asleep.

Sleep didn’t greet her easily. She couldn’t stop thinking about the voices that haunted Johanna. She remembered that she almost went mad in the arena with the jabberjays screaming her name in Prim’s voice – and that was only for an hour. To have those voices permanently in one’s head? Katniss didn’t understand how Johanna could stay sane.

When Katniss finally fell asleep, she dreamed about Johanna. And about hundreds of jabberjays screaming over her head. And Katniss dreamed of shooting each one of it until there was nothing left – until there were no voices left but Johanna’s and her own. It was so peaceful.

Katniss smiled in her sleep.

 


End file.
